"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
