Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
