I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
