Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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