we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
