just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
