I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
