You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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