on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
