Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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