Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
