So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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