I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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