I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
