yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
