Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
