I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Randomize
