I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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