did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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