Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
