This is the prime rib incident all over again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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