Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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