What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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