I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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