you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so let's talk penis.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you had me at cake vodka
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
