How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
