I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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