the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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