It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
