Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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