I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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