Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
