You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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