She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize