speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
