I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
