She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
