Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I see more hoeing in ur future
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
