Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
