Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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