i love accidental penises.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
