Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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