Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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