Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
