He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
