I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
