There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
