Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
