May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
