I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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