Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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