physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize