to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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