In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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