She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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