dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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