I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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