Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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