Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
