Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
