I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
