i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
