you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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